Have you ever started writing a sentence and suddenly stopped at “who or whom?” You’re not alone. Even experienced writers sometimes hesitate because the distinction between these two pronouns can feel unnecessarily complicated.
The good news is that learning when to use who or whom doesn’t require memorizing a page of grammar rules. The key is understanding one simple difference: who usually acts as the subject, while whom usually functions as the object.
Once you know how to identify the subject and object, choosing between who and whom becomes much easier. And in everyday English, there are also situations where who is perfectly natural even when traditional grammar might suggest whom.
Let’s break it down.
Who vs. Whom: What’s the Difference?
The basic rule is straightforward:
- Who is used as a subject.
- Whom is used as an object.
Think about the difference between he and him.
- Who ≈ he
- Whom ≈ him
For example:
Who called you?
You could answer:
He called me.
So who is correct.
Now consider:
Whom did you call?
You could answer:
I called him.
So whom is correct.
This he/him test is one of the easiest ways to figure out when to use who or whom.
When to Use “Who”
Use who when the person you’re referring to is performing the action of the verb.
In grammatical terms, who functions as the subject.
Consider:
Who ate the last piece of cake?
The person represented by who performed the action of eating.
You could answer:
She ate the last piece of cake.
Because she is a subject pronoun, who is the appropriate choice.
Examples of “who”
- Who is coming to dinner?
- Who wrote this letter?
- Who called you last night?
- Who wants some coffee?
- Who broke the window?
- **Who knows the answer?
In each sentence, who is the person doing something.
When to Use “Whom”
Use whom when the person you’re referring to is receiving the action or otherwise functioning as an object.
For example:
Whom did you invite?
The person being referred to is receiving the action of invite.
You could answer:
I invited him.
Since him is an object pronoun, whom is traditionally correct.
Examples of “whom”
- Whom did you invite?
- Whom did she call?
- Whom are you asking?
- Whom should I contact?
- Whom did they choose?
- Whom are you supporting?
In each case, the person represented by whom is the object of the verb.
The Easiest Who or Whom Rule: The He/Him Test
If you remember only one trick, remember this one.
When you’re unsure whether to use who or whom, try replacing it with he or him.
If “he” works → use “who”
Who is at the door?
Try:
He is at the door.
That works, so who is correct.
If “him” works → use “whom”
Whom did you see?
Try:
I saw him.
That works, so whom is traditionally correct.
The shortcut
He → who
Him → whom
You can also remember the related forms:
- she → who
- her → whom
- they → who
- them → whom
This works because who behaves like a subject pronoun, while whom behaves like an object pronoun.
Who or Whom After a Preposition
Prepositions are one of the clearest places to see whom in formal English.
Words such as:
- to
- for
- with
- from
- by
- about
- with
can be followed by whom when the person is the object of the preposition.
For example:
With whom are you going?
To whom did you send the email?
For whom was the gift?
About whom are they talking?
These constructions are grammatically traditional and often sound formal.
Can you use “who” after a preposition?
In everyday English, absolutely.
For example, instead of:
With whom did you go?
Most people would naturally say:
Who did you go with?
The second version is extremely common in conversational English.
So while whom is traditionally preferred after a preposition in formal constructions, English speakers frequently move the preposition to the end and use who.
Who or Whom in Questions
Questions are where the distinction causes the most confusion.
Compare these sentences:
Who called Sarah?
and:
Whom did Sarah call?
The difference becomes obvious if you identify who is performing the action.
In the first sentence, who performed the action:
Who called Sarah?
In the second, Sarah performed the action and whom received it:
Sarah called whom?
That gives you a useful question:
Who did the action?
If the answer is the person you’re asking about, use who.
Who received the action?
If the answer is the person you’re asking about, traditional grammar calls for whom.
Who vs. Whom in Relative Clauses
The words who and whom also appear in relative clauses.
For example:
The woman who lives next door is a doctor.
Here, who is the subject of lives.
Now compare:
The woman whom I met yesterday is a doctor.
Here, I is the subject of met, while the woman is the object.
You can test it:
I met her yesterday.
Because her is an object pronoun, whom is traditionally appropriate.
More examples
Subject:
The man who called you is waiting outside.
He called you.
Object:
The man whom you called is waiting outside.
You called him.
This distinction is useful in formal writing, although everyday speakers often use who in both situations.
When to Use Who or Whom in Formal Writing
The choice between who and whom can depend partly on the level of formality.
Whom is still common in:
- Academic writing
- Formal correspondence
- Legal writing
- Professional documents
- Formal speeches
- Traditional grammar exercises
For example:
To whom it may concern
is a well-established formal expression.
In casual conversation, however, who is much more common.
You might say:
Who did you send it to?
rather than:
To whom did you send it?
The first sounds conversational; the second sounds formal.
Neither sentence is likely to cause confusion.
Is “Whom” Still Used in Modern English?
Yes, but its use has declined significantly in everyday English.
Whom is still part of standard English and remains useful in formal contexts. However, native speakers frequently use who where traditional grammar would prescribe whom, particularly in conversation.
For example:
Who did you invite?
is extremely common.
Traditional formal grammar would prefer:
Whom did you invite?
This doesn’t mean whom is obsolete. Instead, English usage has become more flexible.
If you’re writing something formal and want to follow traditional grammatical conventions, whom can be a useful choice when it clearly functions as an object.
Who vs. Whom in Everyday English
In casual conversation, forcing yourself to use whom everywhere can make your speech sound stiff.
Compare:
With whom are you going?
with:
Who are you going with?
The second is what many English speakers would naturally say.
Similarly:
Whom did you see at the party?
is grammatically traditional, while:
Who did you see at the party?
is extremely common in modern English.
The important point is that who has become the normal choice in many informal constructions.
Common Who and Whom Mistakes
Mistake 1: Using “whom” as the subject
Incorrect:
Whom is coming to the meeting?
Correct:
Who is coming to the meeting?
Why?
Because the person is performing the action of coming.
You could answer:
He is coming.
So use who.
Mistake 2: Using “who” in a formal object construction
Traditional formal grammar:
Whom did you invite?
The answer would be:
I invited him.
In casual English, however:
Who did you invite?
is widely used and sounds completely natural.
So this is a situation where traditional grammar and modern conversational usage differ.
Mistake 3: Forgetting the preposition
A common formal construction is:
To whom did you give the report?
But everyday English usually moves the preposition:
Who did you give the report to?
Both communicate the same basic idea, but the first is more formal.
Who vs. Whom Examples
Here are some quick examples to make the distinction easier.
| Sentence | Correct Word | Why |
| ___ called you? | Who | Subject |
| ___ did you call? | Whom traditionally | Object |
| ___ is coming? | Who | Subject |
| To ___ did you speak? | Whom | Object of preposition |
| ___ did she invite? | Whom traditionally | Object |
| The person ___ called me | Who | Subject of “called” |
| The person ___ I called | Whom traditionally | Object of “called” |
| ___ wants pizza? | Who | Subject |
The he/him test can confirm each one.
Who or Whom: A Step-by-Step Method
When you’re stuck, don’t overthink it. Follow these steps.
Step 1: Find the verb
Look at the action in the sentence.
For example:
Who/whom did Maria invite?
The verb is invite.
Step 2: Find the person doing the action
Maria is doing the inviting.
That means the unknown person is receiving the action.
Step 3: Try “he” or “him”
Maria invited him.
“Him” works, so traditional grammar calls for whom.
Step 4: Consider the context
If you’re writing a formal document, whom may be the better choice.
If you’re speaking casually, who may sound more natural.
This four-step process handles most who-or-whom questions.
Who vs. Whom Memory Trick
Here’s an easy way to remember the difference:
Who = he/she/they
Whom = him/her/them
Or simply:
Who = he
Whom = him
The ending of whom can also remind you of him. Both contain an m.
It isn’t a perfect linguistic rule, but it’s a handy memory trick.
Who or Whom in “Who I Met” vs. “Whom I Met”
Consider this sentence:
She is the person who/whom I met yesterday.
Who performed the action of meeting?
I did.
Who was met?
The person was.
You could rewrite it:
I met her yesterday.
Because her is an object pronoun, traditional grammar recommends:
She is the person whom I met yesterday.
However, you’ll frequently hear:
She is the person who I met yesterday.
That’s common in modern English, particularly in speech and informal writing.
Who or Whom After “Than” and “As”
Some constructions can become surprisingly complicated.
Consider:
She is taller than I.
This traditional construction treats I as the subject of an implied verb:
She is taller than I am.
But in everyday English, people often say:
She is taller than me.
The same kind of variation can affect constructions involving who and whom.
The practical lesson is that English grammar isn’t always as rigid in real-world usage as a traditional grammar textbook might suggest.
When the sentence becomes awkward, rewriting it can often make the meaning clearer.
When Is It Better to Avoid Whom?
Sometimes the easiest solution is to rewrite the sentence.
Instead of:
Whom did you speak with?
You can write:
Who did you speak with?
Or, in a more formal style:
With whom did you speak?
You can also restructure the sentence:
Which person did you speak with?
Rewriting can be especially helpful when whom feels unnatural or overly formal for the audience.
Frequently Asked Questions About When to Use Who or Whom
When should I use who instead of whom?
Use who when the person is the subject of the sentence or clause—the person performing the action. For example, “Who called you?”
When should I use whom?
Use whom when the person is functioning as an object, especially in formal writing. For example, “Whom did you invite?”
What is the easiest way to remember who vs. whom?
Use the he/him test. If you can replace the word with he, use who. If him works, use whom.
Is it “who did you call” or “whom did you call”?
In traditional grammar, “Whom did you call?” is preferred because the person is the object of call. However, “Who did you call?” is extremely common in modern English and is normal in informal conversation.
Is it “who are you talking to” or “whom are you talking to”?
“Whom are you talking to?” follows the traditional object rule, while “Who are you talking to?” is much more natural in everyday English. A highly formal version is “With whom are you talking?”
Is “to whom it may concern” correct?
Yes. “To whom it may concern” is a traditional formal expression. Whom is used because it is the object of the preposition to.
Is whom outdated?
No. Whom is still used in standard English, particularly in formal writing and after certain prepositions. Its use is simply less common in everyday speech than it once was.
Can I always use who instead of whom?
Not always if you’re aiming for traditional formal grammar. Who is widely accepted in many informal constructions where whom was traditionally expected, but whom remains useful in formal contexts and certain fixed expressions.
What is the difference between who and whom?
Who generally functions as a subject, while whom traditionally functions as an object. Compare “Who called?” with “Whom did you call?”
Conclusion: When to Use Who or Whom
Understanding when to use who or whom doesn’t have to be complicated.
The basic rule is:
Who = subject
Whom = object
When you’re unsure, use the he/him test:
- If he/she/they works → who
- If him/her/them works → whom
Remember, though, that modern English is more flexible than traditional grammar rules sometimes suggest. In everyday conversation, who is widely used in places where formal grammar would traditionally recommend whom.
For formal writing, it’s worth knowing the traditional distinction. For casual conversation, focus on clarity and natural communication. Once you understand the subject-versus-object difference, you’ll know when to use who or whom without having to second-guess every sentence.
